Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Strange Dreams of Cigars and Tunnels

It's a curious thing, the way we view the future. The things we know, the things we see are constantly distorted through the glass that is our mind, it's warped shape disfiguring the light into something melevolent, as if to warn us, to scare us into standing still in time. It's even curiousier still how, no matter how bad our circumstances may seem, all prospects of future happiness seem bleak, as though even in the very epitomy of the depths of dispair, we fear the future will always bring something that will completely redefine our innocent notions of suffering. What doesn't kill us, they say, can only make us stronger. The problem of course is that, no matter how bad things may seem at the moment, we are alive, but we don't know as we go hurtling on into the indefinite and undefined future how long things will continue to make us stronger, until they finally make us stronger to death.
And so, we use the strenght we have to cling on to where we are at, we kick and bite and struggle against the flow of time, moving forward but always staying still, afraid of what we glimpsed through the looking glass. Yet the future always comes, inexurably onward, like a locomotive moving slowly, steadly, ever onward. As the future gets closer, as we struggle to run from it, it's image grows steadly more warped, more melevolant driving us to chase the past speeding away from us as fast as the future speeds toward us, and then something happens that - though we've experienced it a thousand times before - we never expected, never would have dared to dream. The future arrives not in gnashing teeth, breaking bones and teaing sinue, but in soft clouds and clensing rain. We see past the warped image of the future, the skewed image of the past, and we for a moment see clearly the present, in a way much better than we ever imagined it. We take steps out of our valley of dispair, and find that the hardships we thought to be the tip of the iceberg were in fact not portence of some looming doom, but rather a valley that proceeds an inevitable peak. That's not to say that all hardships are behind us if we just embrace the future, but rather that when we move forward, even with the most difficult of tasks, we find that it is indeed better to move past them than to dwell on our own suffering.